I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
