I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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