I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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