I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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