After last night, I could never be a politician.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
