she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
