see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
