If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
