but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
