Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
