Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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