I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
