Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
