first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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