sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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