I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
