Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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