Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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