Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just gift wrapped bread.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i now understand why vodka
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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