At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
