Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
