Don't you send me to vm
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
