I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
