My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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