You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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