oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
