and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
