What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
