Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
