Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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