Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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