You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
