I met the friendliest cop last night
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
