A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
