She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
