yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Found the puke drawer
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
