and she was petting her beer can
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
