these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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