Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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