he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You have to summon your inner elephant
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
