my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
