I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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