We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
