Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
