I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
