i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
