So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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