Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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