your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize
