Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
